Couples therapy can be extremely effective helping you improve your relationship provided you do not wait too long to recognize problems or employ conflict tactics that escalate into abusive personal insults or violence. My goal as a therapist is to educate the public in general and you in particular about relationships and how to access my services prior to your conflict escalating and becoming destructive.
One rule of conflict is each participant desires the other person to change. In fact, the most powerful person in a conflict usually places the responsibility for keeping the peace on the least powerful person. I work to help each individual in the relationship recognize and manage their own behavior once the conflict begins.
Therapy works best when you can be honest with yourself and your partner. Cancer treatment will not be effective if a portion of a cancerous growth is left behind during surgery. The same holds true for psychotherapy. I’m not a referee my job is to help each of you talk to each other and build the skills necessary to communicate more effectively. Psychotherapy success comes down to truth-telling and promise-keeping.
There needs to be some follow through at home on the agreements and decisions that are arrived at during sessions. It takes practice to change habits and behavior patterns that you have developed over time. Most relationships can be improved by giving compliments rather than criticism, loving kindness rather than contempt, openness rather than defensiveness, and active participation rather than stonewalling.
Clients often arrive at therapy feeling defeated. I hear them say, “we’ve tried everything and nothing has worked.” What they really mean is that they have tried everything they know how to do and nothing has worked. While I certainly understand their frustration, learning to trust the process may be one of the biggest obstacles to a successful outcome. While the challenges you face in your relationship may not be your fault, they are your responsibility.
I’m committed to helping you strengthen your connection by teaching you how to use conflict constructively to gain insight, improve communication skills, and increase intimacy.
Infidelity-The act or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or sexual partner.