On Trauma

Written on December 2, 2015

 

On Friday the 13th, the world was rocked by another terrorist attack—this time in Paris where assailants simultaneously attacked numerous locations throughout the city leaving scores dead. People who commit these types of crimes often feel marginalized by society and, as a result, unhappy with their lives. Their unhappiness can lead to cruelty as they vie for personal gratification, greater awareness of their grievances, and justice. Terrorism is one way to elevate a conflict and make grievances conscious to others. Many of us feel frightened and confused about these acts, the world, and our place in it. How we can respond to these traumatic events in a less destructive, healthy way? Read more.

Addiction Relapse Prevention Possible by Exploring Drug-Associated Memories

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Memories contribute to who we are and our experience of life. Recovering drug addicts can avoid relapsing by exploring drug-associated memories through mindfulness practice. When memories are positive they provide us with a sense of joy and well-being. But when our memories are unpleasant they can compel us to avoid them at all costs. We can find ourselves withdrawing from others, avoiding anything that might trigger a negative memory, or trying to escape our thoughts and feelings all together.

Humans evolved with a negative bias which enabled us to survive in a predaceous world. Is that a tan rock in the distance? Or a lion. Our early ancestors who could not discern the difference ended up on the dinner table. We remember. According to Professor Robert Sapolsky, zebras don’t get ulcers because zebras only think about lions when lions are present. We, on the other hand, think about lions (or negative events) all the time.

While drug use can be considered an unsuccessful repair attempt, at its core, addictive drug use is rooted in memories both positive and negative. Because memories are so powerful many people would like to avoid thinking and, thus, re-experiencing the feelings associated with memories. Exploring those memories through mindfulness practice offers recovering people the greatest opportunity to successfully avoid relapse. Mindfulness practice teaches us how to experience our thoughts in a more productive way by inviting us to accept our thoughts and feelings without ruminating, judging, or trying to fix how we feel.

By learning how to breathe, relax, and simply observe our thoughts we can increase our capacity to tolerate various emotional states without turning to compulsive behavior. With practice and time we can develop a non-threatening relationship with our own thoughts.

As scientist search for a cure for addiction, a pill that will enable us ignore its siren call, I remain doubtful. My skepticism is born out of my experience with nasal sprays—which worked wonderfully for about two hours after which my nostrils were blocked far worse than before. That experience taught me about the concept of rebound. Addiction is a rebounding condition. Recovering addicts don’t get to return to the beginning stage of their addiction if they start using drugs again. Their addiction picks up where it left off and they quickly discover that it is far worse than before.

I can’t imagine the side effects of any pill capable for curing addiction. Mindfulness has no side effects. It also increases the capacity for compassion for self and others. It can also decrease the effects of trauma. Studies have shown that it helps decrease chronic pain. It is effective in reducing both depression and anxiety. Mindfulness is something you can learn and practice anytime and it is free.

Mindfulness does not erase memories or empty the contents of your mind. Your mind will not become a blank slate. Over time, with practice, mindfulness can take the charge out of memories by teaching us how to accept without judgment our thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness teaches us how to be happy.    

 

An Arrow From Cupid

Written on February 20, 2015

-Gerald Chamber, MFTI

 

Due to Valentine’s Day love is in the air and I thought I would write something about relationships. After all a Valentine symbolizes a heartfelt expression of what your relationship means to you. While that may be its traditional meaning, the holiday can also serve as a painful reminder if you are not in a relationship or if you find yourself experiencing emotional and physical withdrawal from your partner, even if you are the one who has checked out of the relationship. 

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Men's Groups Save Lives.

Men, especially black men, suffer disproportionately from all the major diseases, most of which are stress related. Stress attacks us from everywhere, work, society, nature, but the argument I'm going to make here is that most stress comes from how we relate to others.

From working with men in my groups over the years it's obvious that many of them have difficulty saying what they need to say, in ways that help them reduce stress, remain employed, and maintain their relationships. If you still believe you can avoid expressing what you need to say to your employer, friends or partner and keep your stress level under control, good luck.

Learning to identify what's bothering you and how to discuss it constructively is the key to better health and improved relationships. A good men's group can help you in so many ways. It can help you learn about the contributing factors that lead to problems in your life. A group can help you label issues you don't have words for, and a group also allows you to rehearse the statements you want to express to important people in your life and practice, thus increasing your chances for success. It can help you feel less isolated and alone by allowing you to receive the support and empathy you need in order to change. That's the kind of men's group I have.

Helping men keep their health, lives, and relationships together is what a good men's group should do. You should leave each session disillusioned with doing things the same old way and feeling empowered to change.

Keep showing up on your job and in your relationship saying how you feel without the benefits of a men’s group. Yea, just, "Keep it real" and see what happens. I'm telling you, men's groups save lives.