“I was taking in larger amounts.”
That’s how Walter starts.
No excuses. No sugarcoat.
Just the truth that hits like a brick through a window.
It started small—just something to stay focused, stay sharp.
But that line between control and craving?
He crossed it. And never found his way back.
Slipping Fast
At first, it was a few hits to stay awake.
Then it became mornings. Nights. Everything in between.
Now he’s using more than ever—more than intended, more than he can handle.
“I’ve cut down before,” he says, “but I can’t stop.”
He’s tried—more than once. But trying ain’t enough when you’re fighting a monster that lives in your bloodstream.
High All Day, Every Day
Walter’s day is built around the high.
“I’d go to places where they would get me high,” he says.
That’s the whole schedule. That’s the whole map.
He knows where the spots are. He knows who’s holding.
And once he’s in that environment?
The cravings hit hard.
“I feel it just being around it,” he says. “I can’t resist it.”
No Job. No Sleep. No Way Out.
He’s lost jobs. Lost chances. Can’t even look for work anymore.
“I’m not able to keep a job or look for one,” Walter says flatly.
And sleep?
He hasn’t had real sleep in days.
The meth keeps him wired and worn down at the same time.
“I’ve been losing a lot of sleep,” he mutters.
But that’s nothing new. That’s just normal now.
Alone in a Crowd
Relationships? Gone.
Family? Avoiding him.
“I’m not allowed to be around people because I’m always high.”
It’s not hate. It’s protection.
Even they know how dangerous things have gotten.
Are the people still around?
Toxic. Messy. Deep in the same trap.
No one’s lifting anybody. Just pulling each other deeper in.
Who He Used to Be
Walter used to do things.
He had hobbies.
He used to play games, be outside, laugh, and connect.
Now he barely remembers that version of himself.
“It’s preventing me from doing the things I need to get done,” he says.
And it’s more than errands. It’s life. It’s connection. Its meaning.
Danger is Daily
Walter doesn’t just use.
He moves through danger to do it.
Illegal activity. Dirty deals. Environments where anything could pop off.
“It puts me in hazardous situations,” he says.
He knows the risk, but when the cravings hit, risk doesn’t matter.
More and More for Less and Less
The most brutal part?
He’s not even getting the same high anymore.
It takes more to feel less.
“I’m doing more,” he admits.
More meth. More risk. More loss.
And less of everything else.
Still Standing
Walter’s not telling this story because he’s proud.
He’s telling it because he’s still here.
Still breathing. Still hoping—quietly—that maybe tomorrow can look different.
He doesn’t need pity. Doesn’t want praise.
He needs space to speak the truth. Because out here?
Telling the truth might be the first real act of healing.
If you’re caught in a cycle like Walter’s, know this: you’re not alone. You’re not hopeless. There’s help, even if it’s just one conversation at a time.