“I can’t control it. It runs my whole day.”

That’s how Bartlow starts.

He’s not trying to shock anybody. He’s not playing for sympathy.
He’s just calling it what it is: a full-time addiction with no days off.

Five Tries, No Finish Line

Bartlow didn’t fall into this overnight.
He’s tried to quit five different times in the past year.

Each time he swore, “This is it. I’m done.”
And each time, the dope pulled him right back in.

That’s what people don’t get—
Quitting ain’t the hard part. Staying quit is.

Life on Pause

Everything in Bartlow’s life revolves around the substance now.

He wakes up thinking about it.
Spends the day looking for it.
Goes to sleep, if he sleeps, trying to outrun it.

He lost his job.
Can’t hold down responsibilities at home.
And the guilt from all that?
He used to numb that too.

He’s still married—on paper.
But the connection? Gone.
Trust? Gone.
Love? Barely holding on.

His friends?
Gone too.
“I’m not allowed to be around people anymore,” he says. “Not like this.”

And honestly, Bartlow gets it.
He wouldn’t want to be around himself either.

You wouldn’t know all this just looking at him.
He blends in—until he doesn't.

He moves through dangerous places like it’s nothing.
Dealers, scams, dirty corners with loaded silence.
That’s just Tuesday.

He knows he’s in harm’s way.
But when the craving kicks in, safety ain't on the checklist.

This is what makes it all so twisted:

He uses it because he feels broken.
Then the use makes him feel more broken.
So he uses it again.

It’s a trap with no exit sign.

People think withdrawals are just shakes and sweats.
But for Bartlow?
It’s deeper than that.
His whole body goes to war when he doesn’t use it.

So he drinks the poison to stop the pain.
Even when he knows it’s killing him.

Bartlow ain’t sharing this story because he’s proud.
He’s sharing it because it’s real.

And real matters, especially for folks walking the same path in silence.

He’s still breathing.
Still trying.
Still got one more shot in him.

And sometimes?
That’s all it takes.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, reach out. There’s help, and there’s hope—even when it feels like there’s nothing left.